Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
