Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
