Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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