it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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