if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
