you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
