you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
