Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
