I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
