I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
