Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he shaved USA in his pubs
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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