she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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