i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
