i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
