thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
