My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
