Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
