Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We left the knife in your bed.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
