I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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