and she was petting her beer can
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
