Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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