my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
