we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
