Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
