I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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