i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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