In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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