his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
