Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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