Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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