we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize