my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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