Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
