Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
