Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
