Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
