but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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