i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
