We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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