The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
