Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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