Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize