Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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