You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
