No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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