There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
