I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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