wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You made out with two different species that night
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
