Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
