If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
