A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize