It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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