My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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