If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
