Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Even my vagina gasped.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
