you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
