you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
