haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
