Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
