you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
