Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
