Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
