he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
