There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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