The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
