if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
