My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
