well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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