Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
