Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
