It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
handjob tips. give me some.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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