Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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