Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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