i permit you to call me
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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