i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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