Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize