I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
