If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
honey bunches of taint.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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