were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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