Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Bring me that man meat
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
