Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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