Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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