Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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