hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
