Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
