I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize