I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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