i already hear my dad disowning me
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
