No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
