Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize