The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Someone shattered a urinal.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
