Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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