Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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