i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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