Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
