He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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