You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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