Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
