I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
